Welcome to Conman Stealth Bank
(Because Crime Should Pay… with Interest!)
For existing customers, please log in here.
Who Are We?
🕵️♂️ Meet Our Team of Conning Consultants 🕵️♀️
Bill “The Biker” Cashmore
- CEO & Head Swindler: A connoisseur of cons, Bill has made an art form out of duping the system. With a twinkle in his eye and a penchant for disappearing acts, he’s the visionary behind Conman Stealth Bank.
Larceny Linda
- Your Deceptive Advisor: Linda is not just a teller; she’s a storyteller. Need a cover story for your offshore account? Linda’s got more tales than the Brothers Grimm, and she’ll spin one just for you.
Swindle Sam
- Financial Alchemist: Sam can turn debt into gold and bankruptcy into treasure. His financial wizardry is so impressive that even his accountant is convinced he’s a wizard. Trust us; your money has never been in more magical hands.
Garrett
- Thief consultant: a cynical master thief who wishes nothing more than to be left alone to steal in peace, but who unwittingly becomes embroiled in a series of epic events.
Our Services Offered
Where Every Scheme Has a Dream
Offshore Accounts 🏝️
Because who needs to worry about pesky taxes when you can have your own financial oasis?
Identity Theft Protection 🃏
We’re not saying we’ll protect you from identity theft; we’re saying we can make you a new one.
Money Laundering Packages 💰
Turning dirty money into squeaky-clean, freshly pressed, and smelling like roses.
Disappearing Act Loans 🔍
Need a loan without the hassle of repayment? Poof! It’s gone.
Conman Loyalty Program 🤑
Earn points for every successful heist, forgery, or white-collar crime. Redeem your points for luxurious getaways, disguises, and personalized money laundering consultations.
Rug Pulling 🧶
Pulling the rug out from your investors can be hard on your back. So let us do the heavy lifting.
Contact Us
Let’s Make Your Financial Dreams Come True!
Ready to take your financial schemes to the next level? Contact our discreet consultants now. We assure you, your secret is safe with us (unless the feds give us a better deal).